What to do
if Pusstuss Forgot Valentine's Day...
Tear
up that 'Dear Jane' letter. There is a better way!
All the guys at the office received
fantastic sex on V-Day. Everyone but YOU. Pusstuss was just 'not in the mood'. Again.
Well, calm
down. After all, you must remember that she's a woman. Women are notorious
for taking their roses and running. It's due to the 'arranging' fraction
embedded in their brain.
How can you possibly expect them to concentrate
on sex when they must find the perfect place to position their new V-Day flower
arrangement?
Even so, if you're
craving a bit of satisfaction, perhaps this will do...
Before we
begin, there are certain circumstances in which Pusstuss MUST be forgiven. These
include, but are not necessarily limited to the following:
 A recent
and serious injury to Pusstuss deserves a pardon, such as amnesia or body-in-traction.
Then again, most women forget sex shortly thereafter anyway. Hum...and
the body-in-traction could present some interesting possibilities. Be
certain to give her two pain tablets before setting out on your adventure.
If
both of you mutually decided to forego the V-Day 'material niceties' due to budget constraints,
etc., then there is nothing to forgive. In simple terms, this means: NO FLOWERS,
NO SEX, BUSTER.
IN ANY EVENT
- a 5-pound 'SURPRISE' box of chocolates will always improve your chance of
having a fantastic sexual experience to remember on V-Day. Yes, go ahead
and jot that down.
And to be
totally honest, men are notorious for telling women one thing when they have
done entirely another. "Yes, dear, I had a few SODAS with the
guys tonight. Hum? Well I don't know why you smell whiskey on my
breath. Wait.... I just used mouthwash. That's probably it,
dear."
Next - the following
circumstances are whimpy excuses and do not deserve a pardon:
If Pusstuss
was recently canned, she should NOT be excused. So what if she was sad
and distraught. You needed sex. Couldn't she attempt to be
unselfish for a mere two minutes?
If Pusstuss
wasn't in the mood, she should NOT be excused unless her vibrator was on the
fritz.
Now - on
to serious business, men!! Seven divine ways to get even with Megen:
1. Next
time she wants to screw something, give her a lightbulb or a screwdriver, but
not at the same time, especially if she is blond.
2. Next
V-Day, give her black roses.
3. On Christmas,
buy your mom or sister a snazzy nighty. Give Megen a dumpy heavy cotton
smock and some large fuzzy houseshoes. Mind games can be so much fun!
4. Announce
that 'mother' is coming to stay with you at least a week.
5. Eat
all of her frozen diet dinners, including the liquid health formulas.
6. Show
her that V-Day card that your old girlfriend, Jill, sent to you this year. How
sweet that JILL WAS ALWAYS WILLING TO HAVE GREAT SEX - YOU PUSSTUSS!!!
7. Forgive
her, whiner and Pusstuss that she is. Yes, there is much to learn in the
art of forgiveness, especially in the game of love.
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Mother
In Law Tips
Mother
In Law Monster